Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Leenie's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008
8:50 pm	Adios, Miami! So the time has finally come. Monday morning at 5:30am, I leave Miami for good. Though I've always been anxious to leave the city, it's the people here that have made it home, and saying goodbye to them is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I remember as a kid thinking that moving would get easier the older I got; for whatever reason, I was under the impression that painful experiences would hurt less as a grown-up. I was wrong. I have built friendships in this place that I know far exceed ordinary. I don't know what I did to deserve this borrowed time with such incredible people, but I will always be grateful for it. And as my way of saying goodbye, the following is a list of my most treasured memories with the amazing people that I've been blessed enough to spend the last six years of my life with. Some of them may not sound funny, or may only make sense to 1 person, but they are the memories that I treasure the most. 1) My first night ever in a dorm room freshmen year; Lisa and I turned on the movie Grease and danced around like idiots singing along to the songs. That's when I knew we would be great roommates, and we were-I don't know anybody else who lasted 4 whole years with the same roommate. 2) Taking a study break at midnight every night freshmen year to watch Boy Meets World in Nikki's room. 3) Walking into Ashley's room and seeing the life-size stand-up of Legolas for the first time, and laughing so hard I almost peed. 4) Setting up Sarah's room so I looked like the girl from The Ring and scaring the crap out of Carlos. 5) The first night I became friends with Manny and Mike M.; I barely knew them, and they had to take me to the emergency room. That was 5 years ago, and Manny has been my best friend ever since. 6) Staying up all night working on the stupid costume final for Michiko, and stopping at 3am on our way to Kinko's to help that girl in the car accident. 7) Manny calling me at 3am EVERY NIGHT for about a year when he had insomnia. 8) Leaving camp for the last time and feeling more free than we knew possible. 9) Helping Mike and Derek move into their dorm room in Mahoney. 10) Rock Star Party and all the debauchery that came with it. 11) Hair auditions that lasted 3 weeks. 12) In 2005, Manny, Korken and I taking turns living at each other's houses during hurricane season depending on who had power and/or the most efficiently working barbecue and the best non-perishable food. 13) Training Rose to be a stripper for Closer, and in turn learning how to pole-dance myself. 14) The one real fight I've ever gotten into in my life, when I almost hit Manny over the head with a shoe. Sure, it was a jazz slipper, so a newspaper would have hurt more, but still. 15) Deciding whether or not to buy Copper, while Jon and Manny drew a mural on my mirror of a crying basset hound in a cage (assholes). 16) Riding The Mummy ride 8x in a row at Universal with Arianne, Kevin, and Manny C. 17) Manny C. fixing the hotel hangers in the middle of the night due to extreme OCD. 18) Suffering through Ancient Greek class with Ashley and Liz, and actually thinking we might die. 19) Film geek study groups all through college; Aubrie, Sarah, Veronica, Chris, Andy, Boomer and I were a great team. 20) Living with Mike for a month before going to England, when we were both so poor that we had to share a car, food, and monetary funds. 21) Going to England; incl. becoming friends with Monica, learning how to use public transportation, seeing Ewan MacGreggor in person, and going to work with Mike every day. 22) Derek=Taco Bell and Disney movies. 23) Unofficially auditioning for Arianne to play Amy in Company while we were both shitfaced, and not only pulling off the whole lightning-speed song, but actually getting the part. 24) Manny C-"You inspire me!" 25) Working at Bijoux and hating every minute of it. 26) My infinite number of bad dates, including the ever-popular "I was drunk and crashed into a construction site" guy, "I'm addicted to acid" guy, "I have the personality of a cardboard box" guy, "I look exactly like you but a guy version" guy, "I'm old enough to be your father" guy, and my personal favorite, "I'm dumb enough to disclose on a first date that I have no friends and no hobbies and I'm afraid of dogs" guy. 27) The night I discovered Shana at my house really late (long undisclosed story there) and laughed so hard I fell over. 28) Thanksgiving in Miami 2007-awesome. 29) Playing opposite Leo in Company; definitely my favorite on-stage significant other. 30) Doing Chorus Line for the 4th time...if I ever play Maggie again, I will kill someone. I don't even like that stupid bitch. :) 31) The day I got into graduate school at UCL; I didn't know I had the capacity to be that happy. 32) Arianne asking me to be an aunt to her kids; I've never felt so honored in my life. 33) Watching my best friend since age 5 walk down the aisle, and 1 year later receiving the news that she's having a baby in January. 34) Spending an entire year watching Buffy, Angel, How I Met Your Mother, and Supernatural with Manny. 35) Spending an evening at the Blue Martini and teaching Lucy how to bar-flirt. 36) Being one of maybe 5 straight people at a gay church for the last year. 37) Practically living with LJ last summer. 38) Losing all feeling in my finger permanently from trying to make a salad...long story, there was a butcher knife and a head of lettuce involved. 39) Manny and Nick coming home for various Thankgivings. 40) Nick and I constantly yelling at each other over the last year, but always in a good way. 41) Randomly bonding with Eric. 42) Re-bonding with Olivia, the prodigal son. 43) My quasi-gay relationship with Monica. 44) Learning to smoke with Barrett. 45) And best of all, the good-bye party Friday night, which was not only incredibly fun, but further proof that I am the luckiest girl in the world, and even though I need to leave, reminded me that I'm kind of stupid for doing so. The effort everybody put into that party was astounding, and the lengths to which everyone went to keep it a secret were incredible. The gifts you all gave me brought tears to my eyes, and I am so grateful for each and every one of you. So thanks again, and I love you all. I wish I could take all of you with me, but I know I can't. So, as I close this incredible chapter in my life, I wish you all the best, and wish I had done more throughout the years to show you all how much I love and appreciate each and every one of you. You have all changed my life for the better and helped shape who I am today, and I will never forget any of you. Here's to friends, and the unique, crazy, awkward, wonderful family that's created with them! (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 13th, 2008
12:19 pm	Auditions for A Chorus Line! Miami Acting Company is producing A Chorus Line the first 2 weeks in June. Auditions are April 7th. Spread the word, leave a comment for details! (Comment on this)
Monday, February 25th, 2008
10:20 am	London I finally got my official letter from UCL this week-I'm in! They can't take it back now! I just got back last night from visiting the school-it's unbelievable. My advisor was great, and the program was even better than I thought. Every single class is catered to your individual interests. For example, I am required to take a class on transcribing medieval manuscripts. Sounds boring. Except-the final project (which you spend all year working on) is to pick any original manuscript that interests you-whether it's a copy of a prayer, an edict regarding common law, population census records, a marriage certificate, whatever-and transcribe it, translate it, and basically research it. So, I could very well pick a manuscript from a church archive that discusses exorcisms. Or Judas. Or whatever. Awesome. The same with language classes-I'm going to take German, but instead of just learning the language, by the end of the year I have to translate something relating to my interests. Then I take Latin, where I will do the same thing, and then work on my dissertation. Awesome. Not so awesome-I have a thing for Indian guys. Specifically Indian men from Britain. Mohinder from Heroes is basically my life-long perfect man fantasy. So I get on the plane yesterday, and who has the seat next to me but a hot Indian man from Scotland who's the same age as me. So we chat a little on the plane, but mostly keep to ourselves. Then we're in line for customs together, and we get lost in conversation-I swear, he was one of the nicest people I've ever met. Then he drops the bomb that he's coming to Miami for vacation in 3 weeks and he's never been there. And who doesn't give him her phone number?? That's right. Me. I hate myself. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 14th, 2008
3:14 pm	Update on life Not that there's a whole lot to tell, but as boredom reigns, I may as well give an update for those who really have nothing to do. :) On the school front, I officially have my letter from Pepperdine. Which means I'm officially going somewhere. I don't want to go there particularly (it was my safety school), but it's an acceptance letter to a good school. I also got an e-mail from the head of the Medieval Studies department at University College London telling me that the decision has been made that I'm in, now my application just has to go through the admissions office. That's great. But until I get that piece of paper in my hand, I'm not going to go too crazy. I'm flying to London next week to check out the school, meet the faculty, sit in on classes, meet with a leasing agent for apartments, get tours of off-campus grad student housing, and generally drink myself to death in the pub under my hostel. :) Yay Strongbow on tap. Giggity giggity. On a sad yet happy note I found a couple to take my dog. I love her sooooo much, but I know it's the right things to do. It's a couple at my church, and they both are just so wonderful. I don't know either of them all that well, but one of them is in the choir and I know peripherally as just being a genuinely nice guy. I don't know his partner all that well, but from what I've heard, he's also an unusually kind person. Which is good. Copper deserves a loving home, and one of the men stays home all day, which is great-she needs someone to wear her out. Damn dog with her psychotic energy. The fact that I'm really leaving Miami is starting to hit home now. And it feels good. I can't help but be heartbroken about leaving my friends (Manny especially...except for vacations, we haven't gone more than 2 days without seeing each other in nearly 6 years), but I know in my heart that this is right. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my life is on the right path, and I'm not doing something way way against what I should be. I don't think I even realized exactly how nervous and depressed and stressed out I was until I got that first acceptance letter-a weight lifted off my shoulders that I didn't even know was there. On another note, I feel fat. I need to diet. My pants still fit and everything, but you know when you feel yourself getting to the bigger side of your pants size? Yeah. There will be mucho dieting. That's about all for right now. :) (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 7th, 2008
4:08 pm	P.S. I got into Pepperdine today. :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:55 pm	Copper So I've decided I'm definitely giving Copper away. It's killing me, but honestly, it's better for both of us. It's better for me because she's very high-energy and high-maintenance, which is cute on the weekends when I want to go to the park, but becomes a problem when I'm trying to do homework and she won't stop barking at me. And it's better for her because being stuck by herself in a studio apartment all day just to have me come home and close myself off to do homework is not the ideal life for her. I know some people are thinking that it's better that she be with me because she loves me, and as much as I want to believe that, I have to think logically. She's a dog, not a person, and yes she'll miss me, but after a couple of months, she'll forget about me. She loves me because I take care of her, and she'll love someone else just as much. I cried for about a week when coming to this decision, but now I think I've got my mind made up and my priorities straight, and I know that it's the best thing for both her and me. I started asking around, and I've already got some people definitely interested, which surprised me. I figured it would take a lot longer to find her a home, but honestly, I could probably give her away next week if I wanted to. Which is hard-the fact that so many people want her makes it more real-it's no longer just an idea that I have, it's actually happening. Thinking about it makes me choke up again, but I know in my gut it's the right thing to do. I just wish it wasn't so hard. Sometimes I hate being a grown-up. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
8:51 am	Doggie drama So I'm beginning to come to the difficult realization that if I in fact do move to London in September (which is likely), I may have to give up my dog. It absolutely breaks my heart into pieces to say that, because she's part of my family, but it may be what's best for her. Even if I am able to find an affordable apartment that allows dogs (something my realtor over in London says is not exactly the simple task it sounds), once we're moved in, she'll be stuck in a tiny studio apartment all day by herself, and then when she goes out for walks won't be able to run around because "going out" will be walking down a busy city sidewalk. I just don't know if that's the kind of life I want for her, you know? I think the worst part about it all is that I'm only going to be gone for a year, meaning that when I come back in September of 2009, I would be able to keep her again, but I can't very well give somebody a dog for a year. My mom refuses to keep her, my brother works two jobs and isn't home enough, and my dad has a cat, which doesn't work with Copper. I'm just dying over this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
8:57 am	I'm not a dummy after all!!! Guess who got accepted to University College of London?!?!?!?!?! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 31st, 2007
6:51 pm	Lessons of a year... The top lessons of 2007: 1) It's OK to say no. It's not OK to say it unkindly. 2) Conversely, it's OK to say yes. It's not OK to say it all the time. 3) Sometimes bad things just happen. Whether they happen for a reason or not I don't know, but I do know this-when the unimaginable happens, when your worst fears are realized, there is one guarantee-life will go on. Things are never as bad as you think they are. 4) Depression is a waste of time and energy. 5) It doesn't matter that your debit card can also be used as a credit card. If there's no money in the account, you will be charged an overdraft fee. 6) Trying to get attention is a fool's errand. You will get the attention you deserve when you deserve it. 7) Smart does not equal better. 8) Educated does not equal smart, nor does smart always equal educated. 9) Those self-help books are right when they say that you may not always have a choice in what happens to you, but you can choose your reaction to things. You'll be a lot happier if you choose to look positively at life's little annoyances. 10) That old song had it right-a kiss is just a kiss. A sigh is just a sigh. Nothing more. Searching for meaning where there is none is just asking for disappointment. 11) Sometimes the best friends come from the unlikliest of places. 12) Don't assume you know someone's character completely. No one does, probably not even the person themselves. 13) Listen. What you hear may surprise you. 14) Sometimes, people just don't care what you have to say. And that's OK. Honestly, do you always care what others have to say? 15) It's OK to not be the best at something, but it's not OK to not try your best. 16) To pursue a passion means to work. No ifs, ands, or buts. 17) When in need, ask for help. 18) When you buy more than one book at a time, you will probably read neither. 19) To forgive may be divine, but to forget is naive. 20) Remember to pray. Whomever you hold God to be, actively pursue your faith. If nothing else, it provides your spirit with a sense of calm. 21) Return your phone calls. Flaky friends may not care, but good friends will be hurt, and better friends will be worried. 22) Nobody ever said life was fair. But that's OK. There's good to be found in every situation. 23) Yes, one can actually live off of Ramen noodles and tap water. It sucks, but it can be done. 24) Always, always, ALWAYS say thank you. 25) The occasional bad date may suck, but look on the bright side-now you've got a great story to tell at parties. May everyone have the happiest of new year's! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 9th, 2007
1:07 pm	A ponderment I had a dream a while ago, as I often do, and for some reason, it kept nagging at me perpetually until I finally wrote it down. After some editing and tweaking, I came up with what seems to be an interesting prologue to a potential novel or short story, and the following is the result: "I awoke running. My lungs were burning as if I had been sprinting flat-out for days. With every echoing slap of my feet on the pavement, the pain in my body grew worse. I gasped air the likes of which I had never breathed before. Somehow it paradoxically retained the quality of not only muggy summer air, the kind so thick you can almost chew it, but freezing dry cold which burns your throat all the way down at the same time. Sweat poured down my raw skin, but I did not thirst. I felt as if invisible rubber bands were wrapped around my body, trying with all their inanimate might to lasso me back to a starting point I could not recall leaving. Everything was a blur. What lay behind my labored track, I did not know, and what lay ahead was a mystery, but at that moment in time, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I stopped running, it would all be over. What “it” was, I don’t know. My existence? My fear? My uncertainty? Whatever it was, “it” could not end. I must not let it. After what seemed like hours, it was as if an invisible lamp had been switched on. Whether my surroundings were previously present or not, I don’t know, but suddenly a glaring reality appeared, more terrible than those concocted in my imagination’s deepest moments of dark discourse. A blood-red sky hung overhead, lower somehow than its traditional blue counterpart. Angry orange-tinged clouds polluted the heavens (could they be heavens?) and emitted bolts of white lighting so precise and so pointed they seemed to have been aimed towards exact minute locations on the hard, craggy rock which made up the ground. Cliffs of hardened ash and mountains of black stone rose to unnatural heights. I looked to my left and right, and was shocked to see thousands of people running alongside me, each wearing the same expression of desperate ignorant determination that had doubtlessly etched itself onto my own face. Upon closer observation, I sensed that they were each in their own reality, running in an entirely different environment than the one in which I traversed. Dodging obstacles and responding to noises unseen and unheard by me, my fellows seemed to take no notice of me. Suddenly I spotted a figure atop a violently steep cliff to my right. Was he man? Beast? One moment he appeared to be a dark-haired man, tall and foreboding; the next, a three-headed dog, and after that, a serpent. My emotions and awareness numbed, this change in physiology did not shock me. I simply peered at the figure as I approached, a curiosity about it distantly humming in my fuzzy head. He (for the figure had now returned to human form) met my inquiring gaze, and in a tone both human and inhuman, both quietly hushed and powerfully projected, said, “STOP.” I obeyed. The world around me fell away, and the sky turned silver. The invisible rubber bands were suddenly cut, and a warm contentment washed over me. I did not need to run. It was over." Thoughts? I have ideas for what to do with the rest of it, but I'd be very interested just to hear some feedback on whether or not anyone would actually be interesting in finding out what's going on in the story. Input would be appreciated. :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 8th, 2007
1:45 pm	Update! I put in my first grad school application of the year the other day...and to Catholic, of all places. The one place I was certain I'd never consider moving is back to DC, but I'm starting to re-think that recently. To be fair, I never really gave downtown DC a chance-all I really know of the city is the touristy parts and the suburbs. But I'm starting to think that living there downtown might not be so terrible-almost 60% of the residents are under 35, which is great. It's near my mom, but not so close that I'd feel suffocated (not that my mom would ever suffocate, but still...). I have friends in that area; not a ton still there, but enough that I won't be lonely. And Catholic is a really good school. I'm starting to think that if I get in I might actually go there. Now I just have to get in. Yeah. Minor details. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in somewhere this year...might just have a mental breakdown. Related note: I work at a church as a singer up in Ft. Lauderdale. They run a non-accredited community college called Light University, which teaches some art classes, some theology classes, and some academic religion classes. I went up to the dean on Sunday and asked if he requires his teachers to have a masters. He said he prefers it, but it's up for discussion. So I told him that I'm working on my language pre-requisites for my masters right now and that I have a degree in New Testament critical analysis, and am interested in teaching a class. He seemed very interested, and asked me to e-mail him this week so we can talk more about it. The only thing I would be comfortable teaching is a course on Judas, because that's what I wrote my thesis on, and I'm writing another one on him this semester, narrowing down the topic a little bit-before I wrote just about Judas in general and his depiction in pop-culture, but I think this time I'm going to concentrate on the relationship between Judas and Satan in the book of John. With that, I should have enough material to teach an 8 week course, especially if I were to bring film culture into it and show some film clips in class with different portrayals of Judas and Satan. So we'll see-if the dean likes that idea for a class, then I might actually get to teach a college-level class before even starting grad school. As Cartman would say, that's tits. Also, quick boy update-I think things are pretty much done. Which is actually fine by me, once we got to know each other we had absolutely nothing in common, and conversation seemed very forced and awkward. Not a good sign. But I'm OK with it, because I adore my singledom and am very loathe to sacrifice it. :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 31st, 2007
2:33 pm	school update So I started my Latin class. IT'S AWESOME. I LOVE Latin. I don't know what my issue was with Greek, but Latin is coming to me so easily it's almost unfair. Today the professor gave us 15 minutes to translate a passage from the poet Horus. He told us to split up into groups and work together. By the time my partner sat down next to me, I had the whole thing translated. I mean, I read it like it was written in English. And although it wasn't a difficult passage, it wasn't like it was something famous that I'd already studied or something that sounded in English like it does in Latin-I just get it. Don't know why, but I love it-that makes me sooooo happy. I was worried that I would struggle with Latin just like I did with Greek and then it would hurt my chances for grad school. But the way it's going to far, I should have zero problems, at least as far as Latin is concerned. More on the grad school stream-I found an extra copy of a recommendation that my advisor had written for me last year (he's re-submitting it this year for me again). I had never read it, because the envelope was sealed and it was supposed to be sent to one of my schools. However, I eventually decided not to apply there, and so when I cleaned out my desk yesterday I found it in a pile of stuff. Feeling mildly naughty, I opened it. And you know what he said? He said that in the 25 years he's been teaching at top universities (Yale and Brown included), of all the students that have pursued critical analysis of Christianity as their major, I am the most gifted with critical insight of historical issues and have the most potential as a successful historian. He also said that he sees incredible similarities between himself and me in our ways of thinking and analyzing texts, which I think was more flattering than anything-I have so much respect for this man's intellect that I can't even put it into words, so that was an insanely good compliment coming from him. He also said that my senior thesis in his class was "first-rate in every way", and that I exceeded all expectations by acing the most difficult course he's ever offered without ever having taken a religion class before. I am on such a nerdy academic high right now. Now I just need to convince these schools that he's right...that may take some doing. I just had to brag. Talk about a confidence boost! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
1:51 pm	As promised, an update on the boy... So things are going EXTREMELY well with said tattooed bad-ass. :) We went on our second "official" date last weekend. I had 3 tickets to a Marlins game and a Blues Traveler concert, and my friend Arianne had taken one, but her husband cancelled on us, so I ended up bringing Dan. He got along wonderfully with Arianne, which is really good-I trust her judgement wholeheartedly. Actually, she told me that if I fucked this one up like I did all the other guys, she would personally see to it that I die violently. Yes, ma'am. :) There was a slight moment of panic, however. During the game, he was very talkative, energetic, etc etc. Then the concert started after the game, and he got very quiet and started sending a text message. Thinking I had done something wrong, I (hopefully) casually asked him who he was messaging. He just shrugged and said "no one". Uh-oh. Bad sign, thought I. But then, I looked at my phone, and saw the following message: "I'm so at a concert with a cute girl. How about you?" Needless to say, moment of panic then subsided into full-on giddy girliness. We have another date this Friday...we shall see how it goes. Good news, though-I found him on Myspace, and there's nothing on his page that creeps me out or suggests he's a drug addict, married, or into weird sexual fetishes-and trust me, Myspace has been the downfall of many potential boyfriends before. And we've also gotten past the drug question-no, he doesn't do drugs, exept caffeine pills, and he only smokes occassionally at the office, but never at home, in his car, or with friends. I don't like smoking at all, but I can handle that. Methinks there be potential...:) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 8th, 2007
2:41 pm	Life Update Boy front: Things are going well. Went on a first date last weekend with a guy that I'd been talking to online for about a month (Dan) Things went SO well. I was insanely nervous, because I had really been enjoying talking to him, and more often than not, meeting in person totally puts the kabosh on that. There's just no accounting for good old-fashioned chemistry, no matter how good the conversation is. Well, I got there, and Dan was basically everything your mother tells you not to date-long hair, tattoos on both arms, and according to him, his leg and entire back, not that I've seen it. He had crooked teeth and talked like a huge geek...and good Lord, could he talk! I don't even think he noticed how much talking he was doing. He was expelled from high school at 15, and never finished college...I spent the first 20 minutes thinking, "ok, he's nice, but really, I could never seriously date him". But then we kept on talking, and I don't know what it was exactly-the conversation, the complete lack of awkward silences, or the cute look he gets when a more serious topic comes up and his stops grinning his dorky grin-but I find myself very intrigued by this guy. The best analogy I can make for him is he's a completely even mix of the badass character and Anthony Michael Hall's character in The Breakfast Club. And that seriously intrigues me. I mean, what tattooed 6'4 expelled guy loves computers, still makes forts out of his blankets when he's bored (at the age of 26), and has no qualms telling me that I give him butterflies and make him feel like he's lost all composure? And I'm totally not into guys saying things like that after only 1 date, but I don't know, with him there's a sincerity behind it, kind of a lack of bullshit, you know? I'm intrigued...we'll see how this goes. Dad front: Wedding this weekend. Who wants to bet me money that he'll send me to a salon to make me "socially acceptable for his wedding"? SO not looking forward to being criticized all weekend by that jackass. School front: Just signed up to take Latin...should be terrifying. Applying to a school in London, dying to get in. Secured my recommendations-one professor is on sabbatical and not having any contact with students, but he said he'd still write one for me because I'm an "outstanding student" and how could he not? Yay for putting in my time with professors. :) That is all. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
10:28 am	dating Within the span of 2 weeks... I will have gone on a date with 5 different guys. I'm a pimp. Guy #1: Nick. Very nice, kinda shy, mildly awkward, but very cute. He and I met online and date sporadically when neither of us is seeing anyone else seriously. (This has been going on for almost a year now.) Needless to say, this one isn't going far, but it's nice to have a movie buddy/kind of date. Guy #2: Orlando. Met in the Grove last weekend. VERY cute, easy to talk to, very chill, and just as nerdy as I am...he even loves art just as much or more than I do. Huge plus to be able to go on a date to an art museum. Ended up going out for drinks by ourselves the night we met, have another date this week, specific time TBD. I'm enthusiastic about this one, although he is a little older than me (31). Guy #3: Dan. Hysterically funny and crazy smart (dropped out of high school at 15 because it was too easy and graduated with an engineering degree at 19...pretty damn impressive.) Been talking online for about a month. Problem: we're both so easy-going about dating that neither one will take the reins. We keep making plans and then both kind of flaking out. Methinks this does not bode well for a relationship, which is unfortunate, because he's awesome. But two type-B people should probably not date. We'll see if this week's plans pan out. Guy #4: Raul. Also met online, but not for dating purposes. He was looking for a singer for a band he was starting, and found me. Band fell through before I could audition, but we kept in touch and are meeting for coffee this week for a date. Extremely nice, but uses pet names-big negatory. Nobody calls me "sweetie" unless I say so. LOL. But he is 6'6...nice. Guy #5: David. Ex-boyfriend that I let slip away in a moment (read: year) of stupidity, immaturity, and bad judgement. His birthday is this week, and I am taking him out for ice cream...ice cream was kind of our thing. Setting myself up for big mistakes? Possibly. Do I want to make big mistakes? Hell yes. Other guys include: Patrick-dated once, no chemistry in person, but over phone, text, and e-mail, I'm incredibly attracted to him. Still keeping in touch and massively flirting over MySpace, but I should not pursue this further if I'm smart and kind...I just don't feel the chemistry in person. Which is odd, because he's very attractive. Oh, well. Desy: Just e-mailed me today on Match.com. Rocker-type who also loves the nerdy art thing. Has very nice grammar. Good potential. :) Un-named guy who sent me an e-mail on Match this morning: also very cute, no real opinion on him yet. I e-mailed him back, so we'll see if he at least follows up with a name. I love being single. :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 16th, 2007
3:51 pm	single's night So I went to one of those single's events last night. It was kind of like speed-dating but not. It was a lock-and-key party-basically what happens is each woman gets a lock, and each man gets a key, (double entendre much??) and then you go around finding whose key fits your lock. Once you find your match, you turn it in and get another one, and start the process over again. I met a couple of reasonably cool guys, but one in particular was really nice. His name is Orlando, he's 31, and a graphic designer for Univision's webpages. We didn't ever have a lock and key that matched, but we hung out for most of the event just chatting, and eventually stopped even trying to find our respective lock/key and just stood around talking for probably an hour or so. After the event was over, we walked around the Grove for a while, then he asked if we wanted to get a cup of coffee, so we did. Eventually Manny called wanting to know where the hell I was (he was my ride and was waiting for me for like an hour, whoops...that's what you get for being a wingman), so we went up and joined him at the bar for probably at least another 45 minutes. All in all, it went very well. :) I'm hoping he'll call me-I'll be surprised if he doesn't, as the whole let's-go-on-an-impromptu coffee date thing was his idea anyway. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, he was way cute and kind of dorky (but in a good way)-the more we talked, the more we realized how nerdy we both were, and the evening ended up in a who's-geekier contest. I think I won, but not by a lot. :) Not gonna lie, it was a little nerve-wracking just showing up to a club with 200 strangers and just having to walk around and talk to a bunch of people I didn't know, but in the end it wasn't so bad...I was probably the only woman there who didn't bring a friend, but there were definitely a lot of men who came alone, so I kinda commiserated with them before just narrowing it down to Orlando. Anywho, keep your fingers crossed that he calls me...I like this one. ;) (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 5th, 2007
1:20 pm	Dad bitchfest Disclaimer: To anyone reading this who may know my parents-what you read here goes no further than this entry. I realize I'm totally hanging dirty laundry out to dry, but I just desperately need to get this out. Is it possible to actually hate your parent? Because honestly, I think I do, and that scares me. I know I''ve mentioned in the past how my whole life has been spent hearing that I'm too fat, too ugly, not talented enough to ever perform professionally, irresponsible, making bad life choices, etc. Basically, the message my dad has been sending me my entire life is because I'm not an ivy-league educated CEO like him or a picutre-perfect corporate wife, I am worthless. Which is ok. I mean, it's not, but I realize that he's an incredibly misguided individual, and I am too strong a person to ever believe that crap, however much it may bother me. But now he's started fucking with the rest of my family, and that's not cool. I called my mom yesterday, and she was hysterically crying-apparantly my dad told her money's tight (which I know for a fact is a total lie, he's flying his entire family to Michigan for his wedding this summer at one of the most expensive wedding resorts in the country and didn't blink an eye) and he is probably going to take away her alimony. Which he can't legally do unless he can prove to the courts that he's bankrupt, which he is clearly not. He's just mindfucking with her. During that conversation, a lot of things came to light which really honestly make me hate the man. Apparantly he told my mom that part of the reason he left her was because she didn't look good on his arm at corporate functions. And he said he never loved her, and he should have left her in the early 90's when he felt more financially secure, and that he'd wanted to leave her every day since they got married. Whether he felt that way or not, I don't know, but what kind of person could ever be heartless enough to say that? Especially to someone like my mother, who is the kindest, most selfless person I've ever met? It's awful that I've now progressed to full-on hatred of the man, but I really have. When it was just the fat/stupid/ugly/worthless comments, I just disliked him. When it progressed into telling all of us that we didn't matter to him, it became pity for someone so cold. But mindfucking with the woman whose life he essentially stole, and then threw away? That's hatred right there. I can't stand hating my family. Am I wrong to feel this way? Current Mood: pissed off (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 28th, 2007
10:38 am	Update on life For those of you who are even remotely interested, your patience has been rewarded. I now give you...the Reader's Digest version of my life!!! First, I've jumped back into the dating scene headfirst. I took a break for a while (mostly because I was depressed), but I'm back now. I decided, if I'm going to be here for another year or close to it, I might as well take advantage of my time and have as much fun as possible. I got back on Match.com, and am currently e-mailing with 4 different guys, one of whom asked me to be in his band...well, why not? I always wanted to be in one, and although I'm perfectly aware that this is just an excuse to live out an adolescent fantasy of being in an unsuccesful garage band, who cares? It's not hurting anything. So I have agreed to sing in this guy's rock band. I'll keep you updated on whether or not anyone actually hires us for a gig, lol. Hey, some people take yoga, I date guys online and join rock bands. Moving update: the move date has been pushed to May of next year. No, I'm not slacking or losing my nerve at all. My director from Cats is mounting the show again, and offered me $2000 to stay an extra few months and choreograph Cats and Chorus Line for her. And really, who in their right mind would turn down $2000? That's enough to get me a first, last, and deposit on a new apartment in LA. No way I'm saying no to that. And now I have 10 months to save up enough money to drive across the country and live for a month or so in LA while looking for a job without having to rack up more credit debt than I already have, which is a good thing. So California, here I come...just not quite yet. On the job front, things are actually better-not that my job has changed at all, it hasn't, but now that I'm doing shows again and actually getting out and being active, I don't hate my life nearly as much, and as a result, no longer despise my job. I hated it before because it was the only thing in my life for a while and it wasn't enough to make me happy. But now I'm earning extra money, Manny's moving back into town, Nick's moving in to my apartment, I'm doing a show, there's a light at the end of the tunnel as far as leaving Miami, I have finally learned to cut my dad off and not let him get to me...things are good. p.s. on the dad front-the weekend at home this month went fairly well, no major hiccups. Except predictably, now that I've lost weight and my father can't criticize that anymore, he found something new...apparantly my job isn't good enough and I now need facial reconstructive surgery to be attractive. Leave it to my dear old dad...I almost feel badly for him that he's as shallow as he is. But then, what can you do? I'm not going to let him get under my skin anymore, no matter what. I'm done being upset over a shallow asshole like him. All in all, things are looking up. Oh, and I'm getting a tattoo, and going to one of those lock-and-key speed dating events in a couple of weeks...should be fun. :) Current Mood: optimistic (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 4th, 2007
3:06 pm	I CAN grab a bull's balls... I did it. I grabbed the bull by the balls. This morning, I applied for four jobs in LA with different studios, and e-mailed all of my contacts out there asking for advice/help, and I've already gotten some good responses. The thing that brought this on was a conversation with Manny that I was having last night. We were trying to figure out what I should do with my life, and so he asked me to list everything I've ever been passionate about. My response was religion, film, and theater, but I don't want to be in theater anymore. So we started talking about ways to put religion and film together, and then it dawned on me-films need people to research for them. Who do you think got all the facts together for 300, or Troy, or Titanic? Certainly not the screenwriters. So I thought I'd look into seeing if there were opportunities for researchers who specialize in certain fields, and it turns out that there is. I would probably start out as a script treatment person, basically meaning that I would go through the hundreds of scripts that people send each day to the studios, throw out the bad ones, and write synopses of the good ones for the studio execs. From there I would have direct access to which scripts are going into development, and which need researchers on the team. So, I put my resume out today to Universal, NBC, and the CW television network. Fingers crossed!!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 26th, 2007
9:12 am	All growed up So due to a complete lack of motivation at work yesterday, I went back and read a lot of old journals entries written by me and my friends, both from college and from high school, and it dawned on me for the first time-I've actually grown up. It's a weird realization. I was looking back, and my old entries were like a narrative of my post-adolescent growing up. I mean, a lot of things still remain the same-the relationship with my father is still as strained as ever, I still talk in the same manner of speech, I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life (talk about a quarter life crisis...if it goes on any longer it will no longer be a quarter life crisis but simply a life crisis). But there are things that are so different, it's almost comical. I was so freaking conservative a few years ago, it's ridiculous. I can't believe looking back that I thought the way I did. I also found an entry in which I wrote that I was afraid that I would cop out and "spend the rest of my life teaching dance in a high school or something". Interesting how things we once thought of as hell would later become what we strive to reach? It makes me wonder...have I grown up in the negative sense of the word? Am I copping out? I don't think so-if you follow what you really want, it's not copping out. I just think of what my younger self would say if she met me today-she would probably cry to find out that her future self works in an office and is trying to become a teacher. And that doesn't really bother me-people change. I've learned a lot about myself in the last couple years that surprised me. I think the only thing that bothers me about this scenario is that I'm working in an office-because I know I'm not happy, and I know my former self would balk if she saw me doing what I'm doing now. But that just motivates me more to get out and go after something that will make me happy-I haven't grown up so much that I've lost the wisdom to see that staying where it's "safe" will make me one of those bitter unhappy people that I always pitied. I'm too smart to let myself just settle for something that's "good enough". And that's a big realization for me-I never actually thought of myself as smart. Funny-all the signs were there. I have a good GPA, I went to a good school on scholarship, my IQ is pretty high. But because no one had ever treated me as smart, I never thought of myself that way. If I could pin ddown the one major lesson I've learned in the last couple years, it is that just because nobody recognizes something about you doesn't mean it's not there. Just because no one else sees your talent doesn't mean your untalented. Being treated as dumb doesn't make you stupid. It only makes you believe others' perceptions of you, which is dangerous territory. Well, I'm through accepting other people's opinions of me. I'm too smart to be stuck as a secretary in a low-paying job, no matter what anybody says. And if grad school or Teach for America won't accept me, I'll find someone who will. And that was my self-actualization piece of the day. Thank you very much, I'll be here all week. :) p.s. Mom is meeting Dad's finacee in 2 weeks...more on that later. Whoever is in Md that weekend, I will be in desperate need of getting out of my house. (1 Comment |Comment on this)